complexguy | ★ but I'm going to be okay as long as you're beside me along the way

He presses closer so they're shoulder to shoulder, and he yawns again. "Be asleep before you get out," he smirks a little, knowing that'll be true the moment his head hits the pillow.

"I know. But you'll still wrap around me in your sleep, and maybe I can't wait for that part," she says with a soft smile, raising his hand and kissing the back of it as they walk up the porch steps.

And because she knows he'll be asleep soon, she reaches out and pulls him into a kiss once they're inside.

"I love you. Go sleep, I'll be there in a minute," she promises.

"I love you back," he smiles against her lips, kissing her again. While she's in the shower, he strips down to just his boxers and crawls into bed. Their bed.

He's out in less than a minute, but he's curled up close to her pillows, waiting on her even in sleep.

When she's all done, Juliet stays naked, crawling into bed with him and scooting right back into his arms. Sometimes she holds him, but tonight, it's so gratifying to sink into him, knowing he has her.

Once she's out, she's out, sleeping deeply until their alarm goes off in the morning. The rest of the week is normal as ever, though one evening after they eat, she goes out on their porch and studies the sky, her head tilted as she looks up before turning to look at James when he walks out with beers. Sitting on the steps to enjoy the night with him, she takes her beer.

"Monsoon season is coming. And it sucks." Especially because needing security isn't going to stop for the weather.

When he sits down, he presses a kiss to her shoulder first, then sips from his beer. "Gonna be hell drivin' those vans in the rain," he tries to joke a little. "Comin' home covered in mud."

"You'll take a jeep," she says firmly. "I'll put the top and doors on for you."

She seems agitated, but she does look over at him. "You better not get my floors dirty."

He knows her by now, and he sets his beer down for a moment, catching her chin gently in his hand, stroking his thumb over her jaw.

"I'll always come back safe, baby. You get that, right?"

Juliet stares at him for a second, and with him, now, there is no Other mask. Not with him, not anymore. So instead, she simply looks afraid for a moment.

"You better," Juliet finally manages. "I refuse to lose you."

But she's terrified she will, even if she does as much as she can to not constantly worry. Good things just don't last for her, and God, she never wants that other shoe to drop.

He shifts so he can cradle her face between his hands completely, kissing her softly, then deeper. "Ain't gonna. Got too much to live for now." He kisses her again. "You're worth fightin' for, sweetheart."

Maybe the difference could be that because he actually loves her, he'll be safer, somehow. All that she knows, is losing him would be the end of any happiness.

"You have all of me," Juliet tells him, looking right at him. "Losing you would--" She swallows, then tries to get off that train of thought.

"So you better mean it," she finishes before kissing him again deeply.

"Hey," his voice is soft, tugging her hand to his chest, over his heart. "I mean it, baby." He's started calling her "baby" so easily now, and he hardly notices it; it just makes sense.

"Never had anyone worryin' about me like this before."

She looks at him, not wanting to sound panicked, and she smiles, just a little.

"Get used to it."

But, she has to add something else.

"It's not my job to have your back. I can't go out there with you, and I don't trust anyone else," she states matter-of-factly. "I don't know who has you out there when it isn't me." Is she supposed to trust fucking Phil? And she loves Miles and Jin, but she's seen both of them hesitate.

She doesn't trust that they can shoot without flinching.

He kisses her again, speaking softly as he strokes her hair back from her eyes. "No one is ever gonna get my back as good as you, Jules. Just the facts. But I got good guys, and I trust 'em." Except for Phil, but he'll never be alone with that guy.

Juliet takes a deep breath and lets it out softly, closing her eyes. She's never been so afraid to lose a person--Rachel, but James is a different kind of love completely. And she knows she won't survive on this island without him.

Opening her eyes, she looks right at him. "I trust who you trust," she says, meaning it completely.

Trust isn't something either one of them just hands out easily, so he knows what it takes for her to say that, and he smiles softly as his thumb strokes across her chin.

"I meant what I said, Juliet. Never in my whole damn life did I care about comin' home safe." On any one of his cons, someone could have figured shit out and wanted revenge; now, he believed he was good enough not to get caught, but there was no telling. If he was killed, he was killed. That was just part of it. No one would have ever missed him.

But now he's got Juliet to think about, and he'll make damn sure he's careful.

Reaching out, she cradles his face in her hands so tenderly.

"You coming home to me is all I can think about when I know you have to go out into the jungle. I'm glad I give you a reason to care."

It seems fair, since he's given her a reason to love.

"I know you meant it. And I mean it when I say I don't know what I would do without you."

Just as Juliet predicted, the monsoon season does roll in about one week later. Other than coming home some days completely soaked, nothing about their life changes until a few weeks later. He's out in the North Valley with Jin, and they get caught up in a mudslide that separates them. James is far from the jeep, disoriented, and Jin quickly realizes that with darkness setting in, he has no hope of finding his friend right now. Managing to get the jeep unstuck, he drives back to the barracks, and by now it's nearly midnight and he almost can't bear to look Juliet in the eyes when he tells her he had to leave Jim behind. His plan was to go back with more help at daybreak, trying to assure her that he won't give up on him.

James, meanwhile, is damn determined to get back to his girl. He promised her that he would always come home safe, and he will. Other than a few scrapes here and there, he's relatively unscathed, he just has no supplies whatsoever and he's trying to navigate in the dark. But he knows the island well by now, he hopes, and he gains some ground until it's just too unsafe to keep moving without being able to see, so he hunkers down for the night in a small cave.

Once dawn hits, he's on the move again, taking advantage of the calm morning air until the rain rolls in again in early afternoon. It doesn't let up at all, but he won't stop walking. He doesn't realize it, of course, but it was smart that he got far away from the valley while he could, because by the time Jin goes back with a large group, the area is completely flooded, both with water and debris. He would have drowned, or worse.

He keeps walking and walking through the day, only stopping if the ground seems too unstable. And then finally, around three in the morning the following day, he comes stumbling into their house, sloshing water everywhere.

"Juliet," he calls out hoarsely.

Juliet has been awake as long as James has been gone. She knew this would happen; she knew that sooner or later, the good that she had would just slip through her fingers because it always does, every time she gets a piece of it. She's terrified for him, and as soon as she can talk Horace into it, she's out with a gun looking with the rest of them. In the valley, when she sees how flooded it is, her stomach drops and Jin has to hold onto her shoulders for a second while she bends over, hands on her knees, trying not to vomit.

Miles is the one who promises James can't be dead because he can't pick up on him, and it's what makes her keep going. When the sun sets she wants to stay, but as it is, she can barely speak anymore, her throat raw from screaming out for James over the pouring rain. She's awake, the lights on in their house because she can't stop pacing, Miles and Jin both sitting on the couch pretty much staring at her until she tells them to go get some sleep.

At three in the morning, she's sitting in his chair holding a now cold mug of tea, staring vacantly at the wall in front of her, trying to figure out how much she needs to save to get off of this fucking island that keeps taking from her. After James, she'd have nothing left to give. But when the door opens and he stumbles into the house, she drops the mug, not caring that it shatters and tea goes everywhere. And she doesn't care that he is literally covered head to toe in mud. She springs out of the chair and goes to him immediately.

"Oh, God, come here," she croaks out, her voice barely a hoarse whisper as she leads him to the bathroom, mud and water going everywhere, but she can hardly care. She needs to get him warm; he's been out in the monsoon for too long. She starts a bath and then, before she can do anything else, she wraps her arms tightly around him, mud and all, she doesn't care. She clings, and when she knows she can speak without crying, she whispers, though it's raspy and thin.

"You kept your promise."

He's exhausted down to his bones, but he's so damn happy to be home, to know he didn't have to break this promise. "Told ya," he croaks out with a soft smile, clinging to her as tightly as he possibly can, practically lifting her off the ground.

She loves him more than she can say right now, and by the time they part, she's so filthy that she just strips them both down and gets in with him.

There are so many thoughts going through her mind that she decides not to speak at all while she very tenderly and with so much love begins to wash him. She's checking for injuries while she's at it, but as the water begins to run clear and there are no injuries that require more than just this shower to clean them, it hits her that he's here with her and perfect if not tired and hungry as hell.

He knows what she thought, so she doesn't tell him. Instead, she looks up as she rinses him off tenderly, holding his gaze.

"I love you, James."

It feels important to say, the real emotion of it brewing in her eyes. The fact that she's decided he needs her to take care of him means that she's carefully calm. No one else would likely know that she's a breath away from crying in sheer relief. No one but him.

James does know how close she is to breaking, and he knows how hard these last two days must have been for her. It hurts down to his soul to know how scared she was, but he's here now and he'll never leave her.

"I love you, Juliet," he breathes out, watching her eyes carefully, needing her to see the love in his own. "I'm never gonna leave you."

"I know," she says, wincing because her throat is simply raw. But she does know now that he'll do anything he can to get back to her.

"I know you won't," she says quietly, clinging to him. "We need to sleep. You need something in your stomach first. PB and J?"

Before she can make it to the kitchen, the phone rings, and it's so late that she knows it must be Horace, and she knows why. Answering, she's quiet, but her side of the conversation doesn't leave much to the imagination.

"No, I don't need it." A pause. "He's home, Horace. He came home about half an hour ago, he's fine."

Juliet looks at James the next time she speaks. "Don't worry about the sub schedule." Then, she turns to finish the conversation, hanging up before going into the kitchen.

Edited 2019-10-15 22:51 (UTC)

He nods faintly, sitting down on the couch for now while he waits. He's stiff and sore, not sure how much he can even move again right now. But then he hears Juliet speaking to Horace, and his heart aches all over again for her.

She was ready to leave, she couldn't be here anymore.

He's not sure he could have done the same. If anything happened to her, he wouldn't be able to leave without knowing what happened, or where she was. He'd have to keep looking. But maybe for Juliet, it couldn't go that way. Quiet as he just watches her, he waits until she comes back with a sandwich, but he doesn't eat.

"You were gonna leave?"

She sits beside him, looking almost ashamed of herself, not able to meet his gaze.

"If we didn't find you alive. If you couldn't come home to me."

She only stayed for him. She's on this island, still, because she loves the man beside her.

"Every piece of happiness I have now is because of you. I wouldn't have gone until I knew."

If that helps.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to worry like that, baby," he breathes out softly, covering her hand tenderly.

He can't imagine what she went through, and he moves to lace his fingers with hers now. Hearing everything she's said just cuts him to the core, and he hates that she had to be afraid at all, even for a moment.

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