complexguy | ★ but I'm going to be okay as long as you're beside me along the way

She accepts him as he is, battle scars and all. It ain't pretty sometimes, but she accepts and loves all of it. Every part of him. There are tears glistening in his eyes, too, but he smiles as he kisses her lips.

"Can't remember any life I ever had now before lovin' you, Juliet. What I was before, it don't matter now. I wasn't before." He didn't exist before her.

She can't stop a tear from rolling down her cheek, and she presses her forehead against his, just trying to get closer to him. She just wants to breathe him in, wants to only exist with him. Nothing else could ever possibly matter.

"We only exist together," she breathes out, deciding it like it has to be true.

Maybe, after all this time, finally, she has a reason to live again.

"I've never felt like someone before you made me feel like a person." They started there, and he never, ever gave her a reason to regret it.

He kisses her deeply again, loving her with every touch, every kiss as he pulls her close and shifts to lay her on her back. Right there, under the stars, he makes love to her again.

He takes his time, caressing and kissing as their bodies move and the heat builds to a satisfying release. When they've climaxed, he just holds her for a long time until it's finally time to go home.

"You gotta drive us home," he murmurs sleepily, kissing her shoulder.

"Okay," she hums softly, but she doesn't feel like moving yet, still warm and satisfied.

"Few more minutes," she whispers, stroking his hair. The truth is, it's a moment she never wants to leave because it was perfect. But she knows they need to go, and she finally sits up, gathering their things and reaching out to tug him up, just so they can get into the van. But while he's standing, while she has his attention, she looks up at him.

"You're the most important person I've ever had in my life. And I don't think that'll ever change."

With that, she opens the passenger side door, smiling at him.

"I'll take the long way. Close your eyes, for a while, baby."

He smiles at her when she says that, and he leans in to kiss her forehead before getting in the van with her. "I love you, Juliet."

He wants to say so much more, but he's spent, and she's the more eloquent one, he feels like. But it's all there in his eyes, in the way he kisses her lips again before she starts the van, in the way he won't let go of her hand until he has to.

James does close his eyes, though, so knocked out and even moreso when she starts to drive. It's not long before he drifts off completely, but just the fact that he's sleeping while she drives them home in the dead of night is a sign of how much he trusts her. He can be vulnerable with her in every way possible.

Juliet listens to music softly and drives around for about forty-five minutes before getting them back to the motorpool. She unloads everything before going around to the passenger side and leaning in the window, reaching out to stroke his cheek softly.

"Gotta walk the rest of the way," she says softly, hating to wake him.

He smiles sleepily before he even opens his eyes. But when he does finally get up and out of the van, he takes her hand and laces their fingers together, yawning a little.

"Gonna read me a bedtime story, sweetheart?"

Juliet grins, tired now herself, but she takes his hand and lightly swings their hands back and forth.

"Well, I was thinking of taking a nice, hot shower," she decides, having worked all day before this, wanting to get clean

He presses closer so they're shoulder to shoulder, and he yawns again. "Be asleep before you get out," he smirks a little, knowing that'll be true the moment his head hits the pillow.

"I know. But you'll still wrap around me in your sleep, and maybe I can't wait for that part," she says with a soft smile, raising his hand and kissing the back of it as they walk up the porch steps.

And because she knows he'll be asleep soon, she reaches out and pulls him into a kiss once they're inside.

"I love you. Go sleep, I'll be there in a minute," she promises.

"I love you back," he smiles against her lips, kissing her again. While she's in the shower, he strips down to just his boxers and crawls into bed. Their bed.

He's out in less than a minute, but he's curled up close to her pillows, waiting on her even in sleep.

When she's all done, Juliet stays naked, crawling into bed with him and scooting right back into his arms. Sometimes she holds him, but tonight, it's so gratifying to sink into him, knowing he has her.

Once she's out, she's out, sleeping deeply until their alarm goes off in the morning. The rest of the week is normal as ever, though one evening after they eat, she goes out on their porch and studies the sky, her head tilted as she looks up before turning to look at James when he walks out with beers. Sitting on the steps to enjoy the night with him, she takes her beer.

"Monsoon season is coming. And it sucks." Especially because needing security isn't going to stop for the weather.

When he sits down, he presses a kiss to her shoulder first, then sips from his beer. "Gonna be hell drivin' those vans in the rain," he tries to joke a little. "Comin' home covered in mud."

"You'll take a jeep," she says firmly. "I'll put the top and doors on for you."

She seems agitated, but she does look over at him. "You better not get my floors dirty."

He knows her by now, and he sets his beer down for a moment, catching her chin gently in his hand, stroking his thumb over her jaw.

"I'll always come back safe, baby. You get that, right?"

Juliet stares at him for a second, and with him, now, there is no Other mask. Not with him, not anymore. So instead, she simply looks afraid for a moment.

"You better," Juliet finally manages. "I refuse to lose you."

But she's terrified she will, even if she does as much as she can to not constantly worry. Good things just don't last for her, and God, she never wants that other shoe to drop.

He shifts so he can cradle her face between his hands completely, kissing her softly, then deeper. "Ain't gonna. Got too much to live for now." He kisses her again. "You're worth fightin' for, sweetheart."

Maybe the difference could be that because he actually loves her, he'll be safer, somehow. All that she knows, is losing him would be the end of any happiness.

"You have all of me," Juliet tells him, looking right at him. "Losing you would--" She swallows, then tries to get off that train of thought.

"So you better mean it," she finishes before kissing him again deeply.

"Hey," his voice is soft, tugging her hand to his chest, over his heart. "I mean it, baby." He's started calling her "baby" so easily now, and he hardly notices it; it just makes sense.

"Never had anyone worryin' about me like this before."

She looks at him, not wanting to sound panicked, and she smiles, just a little.

"Get used to it."

But, she has to add something else.

"It's not my job to have your back. I can't go out there with you, and I don't trust anyone else," she states matter-of-factly. "I don't know who has you out there when it isn't me." Is she supposed to trust fucking Phil? And she loves Miles and Jin, but she's seen both of them hesitate.

She doesn't trust that they can shoot without flinching.

He kisses her again, speaking softly as he strokes her hair back from her eyes. "No one is ever gonna get my back as good as you, Jules. Just the facts. But I got good guys, and I trust 'em." Except for Phil, but he'll never be alone with that guy.

Juliet takes a deep breath and lets it out softly, closing her eyes. She's never been so afraid to lose a person--Rachel, but James is a different kind of love completely. And she knows she won't survive on this island without him.

Opening her eyes, she looks right at him. "I trust who you trust," she says, meaning it completely.

Trust isn't something either one of them just hands out easily, so he knows what it takes for her to say that, and he smiles softly as his thumb strokes across her chin.

"I meant what I said, Juliet. Never in my whole damn life did I care about comin' home safe." On any one of his cons, someone could have figured shit out and wanted revenge; now, he believed he was good enough not to get caught, but there was no telling. If he was killed, he was killed. That was just part of it. No one would have ever missed him.

But now he's got Juliet to think about, and he'll make damn sure he's careful.

Reaching out, she cradles his face in her hands so tenderly.

"You coming home to me is all I can think about when I know you have to go out into the jungle. I'm glad I give you a reason to care."

It seems fair, since he's given her a reason to love.

"I know you meant it. And I mean it when I say I don't know what I would do without you."

Just as Juliet predicted, the monsoon season does roll in about one week later. Other than coming home some days completely soaked, nothing about their life changes until a few weeks later. He's out in the North Valley with Jin, and they get caught up in a mudslide that separates them. James is far from the jeep, disoriented, and Jin quickly realizes that with darkness setting in, he has no hope of finding his friend right now. Managing to get the jeep unstuck, he drives back to the barracks, and by now it's nearly midnight and he almost can't bear to look Juliet in the eyes when he tells her he had to leave Jim behind. His plan was to go back with more help at daybreak, trying to assure her that he won't give up on him.

James, meanwhile, is damn determined to get back to his girl. He promised her that he would always come home safe, and he will. Other than a few scrapes here and there, he's relatively unscathed, he just has no supplies whatsoever and he's trying to navigate in the dark. But he knows the island well by now, he hopes, and he gains some ground until it's just too unsafe to keep moving without being able to see, so he hunkers down for the night in a small cave.

Once dawn hits, he's on the move again, taking advantage of the calm morning air until the rain rolls in again in early afternoon. It doesn't let up at all, but he won't stop walking. He doesn't realize it, of course, but it was smart that he got far away from the valley while he could, because by the time Jin goes back with a large group, the area is completely flooded, both with water and debris. He would have drowned, or worse.

He keeps walking and walking through the day, only stopping if the ground seems too unstable. And then finally, around three in the morning the following day, he comes stumbling into their house, sloshing water everywhere.

"Juliet," he calls out hoarsely.

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