complexguy | ★ but I'm going to be okay as long as you're beside me along the way

"No," she sighs softly, contently. "No, it isn't."

She runs her fingers slowly over his face, smiling at the feel of his barely-there stubble. "That night on the dock, when you asked who was going to have your back? I had to remind myself it was just the two of us out there. No way you could have been talking about me."

Juliet's always soft-spoken, but she's so quiet now, speaking just so he can hear her, like every word is a secret.

"Then, night two, we sat on the front porch and I started to sob, and you held me. And the second time I cried while you held me, after that first recruit party?" she begins, staring at him now.

"That was the night I fell in love with you, James. And it was so easy. It was so easy I didn't even try, I just loved you."

He honestly can't believe what he's hearing at first, and he pulls back to look at her in complete awe. Cradling her cheek, his thumb tenderly moves across her skin.

He has to kiss her, and he does, capturing her lips deeply and lingering there for a moment.

"I don't know when I started lovin' you, Juliet, 'cause it feels like I always have," he confesses, with his eyes closed.

That takes her breath away, and she reaches out to cradle his face in return.

"I love you, and it's like breathing," she admits, nuzzling him. "I had no idea being loved would be like this." She'd thought she'd been in love once, then again. But it was nothing compared to what this is. This, she feels in every pore of her being.

"When we're apart, I feel...I feel alone again."

He kisses her deeply again, just relishing this, the way she's touching him and loving him. "I know it. I feel it, too." But then he breathes out, "I gotta tell ya somethin'."

She brushes her lips against his, breathing him in when they part.

"Tell me," she whispers quietly.

"The women I've been with, even the ones I thought I could have somethin' with," which was really only Kate (and Cassidy, for a little while), "it was never gonna work. I never felt this with anyone, Juliet. I need you to know it."

What he's trying to say and what he wants her to really grasp, is that Kate was the closest he'd come to some kind of normalcy, to hoping maybe to be understood and loved. But he'd realized eventually it wouldn't work because Kate wasn't capable of it. She wanted to use him and manipulate him, but he was willing to accept even that.

"Just never figured I deserved anything better. The way you love me, it's just...for me."

And it makes him feel alive and whole for the first time in his life.

By the time he finishes, there are tears in her eyes, and she tenderly cradles his face, stroking his hair back with so much love.

"I don't care what you've done. I don't care that you aren't sure of what you deserve. Because I know what you've done for me. And I know what you would do for me. I can feel the way you love me every single time you touch me, I can see it when you look at me."

She kisses his face all over, tenderly, then speaks softly.

"You never have to try anyone but James. Ever. I promise."

He doesn't always need to know how to say these things. She knows it.

She accepts him as he is, battle scars and all. It ain't pretty sometimes, but she accepts and loves all of it. Every part of him. There are tears glistening in his eyes, too, but he smiles as he kisses her lips.

"Can't remember any life I ever had now before lovin' you, Juliet. What I was before, it don't matter now. I wasn't before." He didn't exist before her.

She can't stop a tear from rolling down her cheek, and she presses her forehead against his, just trying to get closer to him. She just wants to breathe him in, wants to only exist with him. Nothing else could ever possibly matter.

"We only exist together," she breathes out, deciding it like it has to be true.

Maybe, after all this time, finally, she has a reason to live again.

"I've never felt like someone before you made me feel like a person." They started there, and he never, ever gave her a reason to regret it.

He kisses her deeply again, loving her with every touch, every kiss as he pulls her close and shifts to lay her on her back. Right there, under the stars, he makes love to her again.

He takes his time, caressing and kissing as their bodies move and the heat builds to a satisfying release. When they've climaxed, he just holds her for a long time until it's finally time to go home.

"You gotta drive us home," he murmurs sleepily, kissing her shoulder.

"Okay," she hums softly, but she doesn't feel like moving yet, still warm and satisfied.

"Few more minutes," she whispers, stroking his hair. The truth is, it's a moment she never wants to leave because it was perfect. But she knows they need to go, and she finally sits up, gathering their things and reaching out to tug him up, just so they can get into the van. But while he's standing, while she has his attention, she looks up at him.

"You're the most important person I've ever had in my life. And I don't think that'll ever change."

With that, she opens the passenger side door, smiling at him.

"I'll take the long way. Close your eyes, for a while, baby."

He smiles at her when she says that, and he leans in to kiss her forehead before getting in the van with her. "I love you, Juliet."

He wants to say so much more, but he's spent, and she's the more eloquent one, he feels like. But it's all there in his eyes, in the way he kisses her lips again before she starts the van, in the way he won't let go of her hand until he has to.

James does close his eyes, though, so knocked out and even moreso when she starts to drive. It's not long before he drifts off completely, but just the fact that he's sleeping while she drives them home in the dead of night is a sign of how much he trusts her. He can be vulnerable with her in every way possible.

Juliet listens to music softly and drives around for about forty-five minutes before getting them back to the motorpool. She unloads everything before going around to the passenger side and leaning in the window, reaching out to stroke his cheek softly.

"Gotta walk the rest of the way," she says softly, hating to wake him.

He smiles sleepily before he even opens his eyes. But when he does finally get up and out of the van, he takes her hand and laces their fingers together, yawning a little.

"Gonna read me a bedtime story, sweetheart?"

Juliet grins, tired now herself, but she takes his hand and lightly swings their hands back and forth.

"Well, I was thinking of taking a nice, hot shower," she decides, having worked all day before this, wanting to get clean

He presses closer so they're shoulder to shoulder, and he yawns again. "Be asleep before you get out," he smirks a little, knowing that'll be true the moment his head hits the pillow.

"I know. But you'll still wrap around me in your sleep, and maybe I can't wait for that part," she says with a soft smile, raising his hand and kissing the back of it as they walk up the porch steps.

And because she knows he'll be asleep soon, she reaches out and pulls him into a kiss once they're inside.

"I love you. Go sleep, I'll be there in a minute," she promises.

"I love you back," he smiles against her lips, kissing her again. While she's in the shower, he strips down to just his boxers and crawls into bed. Their bed.

He's out in less than a minute, but he's curled up close to her pillows, waiting on her even in sleep.

When she's all done, Juliet stays naked, crawling into bed with him and scooting right back into his arms. Sometimes she holds him, but tonight, it's so gratifying to sink into him, knowing he has her.

Once she's out, she's out, sleeping deeply until their alarm goes off in the morning. The rest of the week is normal as ever, though one evening after they eat, she goes out on their porch and studies the sky, her head tilted as she looks up before turning to look at James when he walks out with beers. Sitting on the steps to enjoy the night with him, she takes her beer.

"Monsoon season is coming. And it sucks." Especially because needing security isn't going to stop for the weather.

When he sits down, he presses a kiss to her shoulder first, then sips from his beer. "Gonna be hell drivin' those vans in the rain," he tries to joke a little. "Comin' home covered in mud."

"You'll take a jeep," she says firmly. "I'll put the top and doors on for you."

She seems agitated, but she does look over at him. "You better not get my floors dirty."

He knows her by now, and he sets his beer down for a moment, catching her chin gently in his hand, stroking his thumb over her jaw.

"I'll always come back safe, baby. You get that, right?"

Juliet stares at him for a second, and with him, now, there is no Other mask. Not with him, not anymore. So instead, she simply looks afraid for a moment.

"You better," Juliet finally manages. "I refuse to lose you."

But she's terrified she will, even if she does as much as she can to not constantly worry. Good things just don't last for her, and God, she never wants that other shoe to drop.

He shifts so he can cradle her face between his hands completely, kissing her softly, then deeper. "Ain't gonna. Got too much to live for now." He kisses her again. "You're worth fightin' for, sweetheart."

Maybe the difference could be that because he actually loves her, he'll be safer, somehow. All that she knows, is losing him would be the end of any happiness.

"You have all of me," Juliet tells him, looking right at him. "Losing you would--" She swallows, then tries to get off that train of thought.

"So you better mean it," she finishes before kissing him again deeply.

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