complexguy | ★ but I'm going to be okay as long as you're beside me along the way

For some reason, his confusion is absolutely hilarious, and she laughs, coughing a little as she does.

"Because she can't possibly imagine grease and jumpsuits is attractive to you. I guess she wants to see how I would 'fill out' a dress. See what I'd look like in makeup. Which I hardly wore before the island."

He's not quite there with the amusement yet, if only because he's more confused. "Puttin' on a dress and fancy makeup makes you a whole new person or somethin'?"

He's not understanding. Help him.

She smiles and thinks as she takes another draw, then she hums.

"It's like...feeling different. Putting on a dress, feeling..." She doesn't know that she's felt this way about herself, personally, but she gets it enough to explain. "Feeling sexy, I guess. In something you would never normally wear, for a special occasion."

She's doing a terrible job, so she adds: "Playing dress up the way kids do, but for adults, basically."

Sorry, Juliet. This is just one of those things he'll need to see to understand. "But you're already sexy."

That makes her blush, though it shouldn't. She knows how he feels about her, knows that he loves her now.

"I don't think it's for anyone but Amy. Think about it." Juliet rolls over onto her stomach so she can see his face.

"Her husband's dead. And for a while, everyone looked at her like she did something wrong. Like maybe it was her fault for suggesting a picnic." Juliet knows what that's like, to be whispered about, glanced at.

"I think she just needs a friend and something to do." Rolling onto her back now so that her head's beside his, she speaks again softly.

"I can't believe she decided to stay."

"Yeahhhhh," he drags the word out longer than necessary. "Couldn't handle it myself."

He takes another puff of his joint. "Well, tell her to go on and do whatever she wants, then."

Honestly, Juliet could say or do anything right now and he'd be fine with it and think it was great.

Juliet finishes her joint, putting the butt in an empty can of beer before having another thought.

"Don't ever do that to me," she says slowly, eyes moving over his features until she meets his gaze again. "Don't ever leave me here all alone."

There's a smile on his face that's a little loose and dopey, and he sweeps a hand through her hair tenderly. "Now, why would I go and do that? Got a damn good thing right here."

"Well. I'm pretty bad luck. Ex got hit by a bus. Married guy I slept with got killed by a group of crash survivors. Sure you wanna risk it?"

She laughs in spite of the maudlin topic and drags her fingers up and down his arm slowly.

"Maybe I'm bad news."

Once again, though, he's feeling too good about everything to see it from the perspective she is. "Can't be bad news if you make me feel this good all the time."

Maybe that's the difference. No one's ever genuinely loved her before.

Now, Juliet grins, and she kisses his shoulder, humming softly. "All the time?"

"All the time," he promises without hesitation. No one's ever loved him either. Whatever she feels about herself, he's felt it about himself, too. But he's not trying to fight it anymore, he just wants to feel it.

Reaching for his hand now, her fingers lace with his as she holds his gaze, awed by how much she feels for him, how well he's wrapped himself around the core of her.

"I think you're beautiful, you know," she murmurs. "Everything about you, but your eyes are perfect. So is your smile," Juliet decides, smiling to herself as she traces his bottom lip with her thumb.

"You're beautiful and perfect, Juliet." His lips press to her thumb before he closes the distance between them to kiss her. Long ago, he thought maybe he had a chance at something with Kate, but it was never meant to be between them. They were never right for each other. He can't imagine his heart ever being home with anyone else but Juliet.

She doesn't know about perfect, but if he thinks she is, she'll take it. Kissing him as though she has all the time in the world, she tries to remember if there's ever been another moment like this in her life--one so perfect that it doesn't seem real.

"Do you know how easy loving you has been?" It's been something she's wanted to say for so long, but her insecurity before kept her from it. Now, she knows better.

"That must be the good stuff talkin', Blondie," he smirks softly. "There's no way I'm easy to love." He can accept that she loves him, but it's hard to accept that there's anything easy about it.

"No," she sighs softly, contently. "No, it isn't."

She runs her fingers slowly over his face, smiling at the feel of his barely-there stubble. "That night on the dock, when you asked who was going to have your back? I had to remind myself it was just the two of us out there. No way you could have been talking about me."

Juliet's always soft-spoken, but she's so quiet now, speaking just so he can hear her, like every word is a secret.

"Then, night two, we sat on the front porch and I started to sob, and you held me. And the second time I cried while you held me, after that first recruit party?" she begins, staring at him now.

"That was the night I fell in love with you, James. And it was so easy. It was so easy I didn't even try, I just loved you."

He honestly can't believe what he's hearing at first, and he pulls back to look at her in complete awe. Cradling her cheek, his thumb tenderly moves across her skin.

He has to kiss her, and he does, capturing her lips deeply and lingering there for a moment.

"I don't know when I started lovin' you, Juliet, 'cause it feels like I always have," he confesses, with his eyes closed.

That takes her breath away, and she reaches out to cradle his face in return.

"I love you, and it's like breathing," she admits, nuzzling him. "I had no idea being loved would be like this." She'd thought she'd been in love once, then again. But it was nothing compared to what this is. This, she feels in every pore of her being.

"When we're apart, I feel...I feel alone again."

He kisses her deeply again, just relishing this, the way she's touching him and loving him. "I know it. I feel it, too." But then he breathes out, "I gotta tell ya somethin'."

She brushes her lips against his, breathing him in when they part.

"Tell me," she whispers quietly.

"The women I've been with, even the ones I thought I could have somethin' with," which was really only Kate (and Cassidy, for a little while), "it was never gonna work. I never felt this with anyone, Juliet. I need you to know it."

What he's trying to say and what he wants her to really grasp, is that Kate was the closest he'd come to some kind of normalcy, to hoping maybe to be understood and loved. But he'd realized eventually it wouldn't work because Kate wasn't capable of it. She wanted to use him and manipulate him, but he was willing to accept even that.

"Just never figured I deserved anything better. The way you love me, it's just...for me."

And it makes him feel alive and whole for the first time in his life.

By the time he finishes, there are tears in her eyes, and she tenderly cradles his face, stroking his hair back with so much love.

"I don't care what you've done. I don't care that you aren't sure of what you deserve. Because I know what you've done for me. And I know what you would do for me. I can feel the way you love me every single time you touch me, I can see it when you look at me."

She kisses his face all over, tenderly, then speaks softly.

"You never have to try anyone but James. Ever. I promise."

He doesn't always need to know how to say these things. She knows it.

She accepts him as he is, battle scars and all. It ain't pretty sometimes, but she accepts and loves all of it. Every part of him. There are tears glistening in his eyes, too, but he smiles as he kisses her lips.

"Can't remember any life I ever had now before lovin' you, Juliet. What I was before, it don't matter now. I wasn't before." He didn't exist before her.

She can't stop a tear from rolling down her cheek, and she presses her forehead against his, just trying to get closer to him. She just wants to breathe him in, wants to only exist with him. Nothing else could ever possibly matter.

"We only exist together," she breathes out, deciding it like it has to be true.

Maybe, after all this time, finally, she has a reason to live again.

"I've never felt like someone before you made me feel like a person." They started there, and he never, ever gave her a reason to regret it.

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