complexguy | ★ but I'm going to be okay as long as you're beside me along the way

Juliet snorts.

"Well. You're right about the grades, I'll give you that." She inhales, thinking, then slowly exhales.

"No one cheated off of me, so much as cornerd me for my notes. I was a pushover," Juliet tells him matter-of-factly. "Hated confrontation, too afraid to even run. Rachel saved my ass more times than I can even remember, probably."

"You were that girl that woulda been too good for me," he concludes softly, eyes focusing on the stars.

Juliet's quiet, because she certainly doesn't think so. She doesn't think he would have even noticed her enough to think she was out of his league in high school. But this isn't about that, and she shifts until she can lay with her head on his stomach, laying sideways.

"Well, look at us now, LaFleur. In love and getting stoned together on an island in the middle of literally fucking nowhere."

She grins, just a touch, then takes another pull from her joint.

"You know. Miles and that one really bouncy redheaded woman are the ones who returned the Jeep I found this in. What's she do for the security team?"

As if Juliet hasn't just used a van for the exact same purpose.

"He got a new girl already?" James smirks softly, thinking of his friend and his notorious penchant for cycling through women; all the new recruits, particularly. "Can't keep 'em straight."

Part of him wants to share some kind of memory with her, like she shared with him. But he can't think of any good ones. They're all fucking depressing, and he feels too happy to wanna talk about that shit now.

So he just lays there with her happily, running his fingers through her hair.

She doesn't mind it. She likes letting him see pieces of her, the things she's ready to give him. And she knows her life was a far cry from his, that there his well of good things worth sharing might not be as deep. So she doesn't push, doesn't ask him for stories. He'll tell her things when he's ready.

And she hopes he'll eventually trust her with the terrible things, too.

"Miles does like variety," she says with a snort before remembering something.

"Did I tell you Amy wants to come over and make me over? I dunno if I should be flattered or offended."

James screws up his face a little in confusion, halfway through another puff of his joint. "Make-over?" He drawls out the word. "The hell does that even mean?"

He's heard it before, of course. He's just never understood what the fuck it is. How does someone get "made over," and why?

For some reason, his confusion is absolutely hilarious, and she laughs, coughing a little as she does.

"Because she can't possibly imagine grease and jumpsuits is attractive to you. I guess she wants to see how I would 'fill out' a dress. See what I'd look like in makeup. Which I hardly wore before the island."

He's not quite there with the amusement yet, if only because he's more confused. "Puttin' on a dress and fancy makeup makes you a whole new person or somethin'?"

He's not understanding. Help him.

She smiles and thinks as she takes another draw, then she hums.

"It's like...feeling different. Putting on a dress, feeling..." She doesn't know that she's felt this way about herself, personally, but she gets it enough to explain. "Feeling sexy, I guess. In something you would never normally wear, for a special occasion."

She's doing a terrible job, so she adds: "Playing dress up the way kids do, but for adults, basically."

Sorry, Juliet. This is just one of those things he'll need to see to understand. "But you're already sexy."

That makes her blush, though it shouldn't. She knows how he feels about her, knows that he loves her now.

"I don't think it's for anyone but Amy. Think about it." Juliet rolls over onto her stomach so she can see his face.

"Her husband's dead. And for a while, everyone looked at her like she did something wrong. Like maybe it was her fault for suggesting a picnic." Juliet knows what that's like, to be whispered about, glanced at.

"I think she just needs a friend and something to do." Rolling onto her back now so that her head's beside his, she speaks again softly.

"I can't believe she decided to stay."

"Yeahhhhh," he drags the word out longer than necessary. "Couldn't handle it myself."

He takes another puff of his joint. "Well, tell her to go on and do whatever she wants, then."

Honestly, Juliet could say or do anything right now and he'd be fine with it and think it was great.

Juliet finishes her joint, putting the butt in an empty can of beer before having another thought.

"Don't ever do that to me," she says slowly, eyes moving over his features until she meets his gaze again. "Don't ever leave me here all alone."

There's a smile on his face that's a little loose and dopey, and he sweeps a hand through her hair tenderly. "Now, why would I go and do that? Got a damn good thing right here."

"Well. I'm pretty bad luck. Ex got hit by a bus. Married guy I slept with got killed by a group of crash survivors. Sure you wanna risk it?"

She laughs in spite of the maudlin topic and drags her fingers up and down his arm slowly.

"Maybe I'm bad news."

Once again, though, he's feeling too good about everything to see it from the perspective she is. "Can't be bad news if you make me feel this good all the time."

Maybe that's the difference. No one's ever genuinely loved her before.

Now, Juliet grins, and she kisses his shoulder, humming softly. "All the time?"

"All the time," he promises without hesitation. No one's ever loved him either. Whatever she feels about herself, he's felt it about himself, too. But he's not trying to fight it anymore, he just wants to feel it.

Reaching for his hand now, her fingers lace with his as she holds his gaze, awed by how much she feels for him, how well he's wrapped himself around the core of her.

"I think you're beautiful, you know," she murmurs. "Everything about you, but your eyes are perfect. So is your smile," Juliet decides, smiling to herself as she traces his bottom lip with her thumb.

"You're beautiful and perfect, Juliet." His lips press to her thumb before he closes the distance between them to kiss her. Long ago, he thought maybe he had a chance at something with Kate, but it was never meant to be between them. They were never right for each other. He can't imagine his heart ever being home with anyone else but Juliet.

She doesn't know about perfect, but if he thinks she is, she'll take it. Kissing him as though she has all the time in the world, she tries to remember if there's ever been another moment like this in her life--one so perfect that it doesn't seem real.

"Do you know how easy loving you has been?" It's been something she's wanted to say for so long, but her insecurity before kept her from it. Now, she knows better.

"That must be the good stuff talkin', Blondie," he smirks softly. "There's no way I'm easy to love." He can accept that she loves him, but it's hard to accept that there's anything easy about it.

"No," she sighs softly, contently. "No, it isn't."

She runs her fingers slowly over his face, smiling at the feel of his barely-there stubble. "That night on the dock, when you asked who was going to have your back? I had to remind myself it was just the two of us out there. No way you could have been talking about me."

Juliet's always soft-spoken, but she's so quiet now, speaking just so he can hear her, like every word is a secret.

"Then, night two, we sat on the front porch and I started to sob, and you held me. And the second time I cried while you held me, after that first recruit party?" she begins, staring at him now.

"That was the night I fell in love with you, James. And it was so easy. It was so easy I didn't even try, I just loved you."

He honestly can't believe what he's hearing at first, and he pulls back to look at her in complete awe. Cradling her cheek, his thumb tenderly moves across her skin.

He has to kiss her, and he does, capturing her lips deeply and lingering there for a moment.

"I don't know when I started lovin' you, Juliet, 'cause it feels like I always have," he confesses, with his eyes closed.

That takes her breath away, and she reaches out to cradle his face in return.

"I love you, and it's like breathing," she admits, nuzzling him. "I had no idea being loved would be like this." She'd thought she'd been in love once, then again. But it was nothing compared to what this is. This, she feels in every pore of her being.

"When we're apart, I feel...I feel alone again."

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