★ but I'm going to be okay as long as you're beside me along the way

[complexguy]

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[complexguy]

"That what you really want, Juliet?" He gets it, there's the time travel shit to think about, but he's more concerned with her right now than anything else.

Standing up, James shuts the bedroom door, just making absolutely sure Miles or Jin won't pass by and listen in. Then he stands in front of her, speaking softly. He'd thought about this last night, but it didn't seem the right time to say it, so.

"Listen. I'm the one who made you stay. You been pushed around your whole damn life, Juliet. Ain't been able to make one decision for your own self. Ain't been free," he breathes out with a soft sigh. "If you're gonna be here, it's gotta be your choice. Not mine."

[dharmalady]

Juliet looks at him, stunned, suprised by him for a second (or third?) time. She doesn't even know what to say at first, her mouth opening and then closing again. She's looking up at him, he's blurry now, and she looks back down, hair falling in front of her face.

She hasn't had a choice in years, and now, here it is, from someone she's sure used to hate her, and now doesn't want to be on the island without her. It's a hell of a thing. He has no idea what his offer has done to her, and she bites on the inside of her cheek before finally speaking again.

"What am I gonna do in 1974 with no identity?" Juliet tentatively reaches out, her fingers resting against his wrist.

"You were right. On the dock. You were right, and I could leave, but there's nothing to go to."

[complexguy]

He's never just been touched like this before, and he looks down at her fingers against his wrist, not wanting to move. He's been grabbed roughly plenty of times, he's been yelled at, he's been looked at with disgust for the things he's done.

But when Juliet looks at him, she's looking at him, at the parts of himself he didn't know existed anymore, or could exist. Somehow, in all of this mess, she's helping him find the man he never figured he could be, but wants to be. He wouldn't know how the hell to even say that to her, but he's damn certain he never wants her to let go.

"Can't promise anything here, Juliet. I don't know what happens next, but if you stick with me, I'll see ya through this," he promises.

[dharmalady]

She's never had anyone either; not a friend, not someone who has her best interest in mind, not anyone who would do anything but use her. Her grip on him tightens in nothing but gratitude as she closes her eyes.

"Can I admit something to you?"

[complexguy]

He moves to sit beside her again, but he's careful not to lose that grip she has on him. "You tell me," he encourages with a soft smile, squeezing her hand.

[dharmalady]

"I really needed a break from that fucking jungle," she breathes out, smiling at him, still holding onto him.

He was right to let her sleep in, to not go out.

"But if I'm going to be here, I need you here, too. Okay?"

[complexguy]

That gets a laugh from him, because he gets it, he really does. He also gets what she's saying without saying it; they just get each other, and he nods in affirmation.

"You got me, Blondie. Goes both ways, though."

[dharmalady]

She smiles at his laugh, then squeezes his arm gently.

"You've got me."

When she lets go, she ignores that she feels untethered for a moment, not knowing what that means, and instead laments the abrupt ending of their supper.

"We can back. To the mess hall, if you want, actually eat. I'm okay."

[complexguy]

"Nah, you stay here. I'll talk to H, tell him you needed to come lay down, but see if he don't mind me bringing' some food back." He can't imagine there would be an issue, but if they want to stay here, he's gonna play as nice as possible and follow the rules.

[dharmalady]

No one has ever just taken care of her before, and for a second when she looks at James, she forgets to stop looking so affected by his kindness. But the flash of genuine surprise at his offer is gone in a blink, and Juliet nods.

"Thank you," she says gratefully, quietly glad to not be going. He seems to know when she just needs a minute, and for that, she's grateful, too.

[complexguy]

Some part of him wants to stay right there, close to her, to see if she might touch his wrist again. Maybe bringing her some food back warrants it.

Why in hell does he care if she touches him again?

Focusing on her face for a moment, he notes the way she quickly tries to mask what looks like gratitude on her face, but he doesn't call attention to it.

Instead, a little distracted with thoughts of her, James just nods with a little smile. "I'll see if I can steal some of that chocolate puddin', too." With a wink, he's gone.

About ten minutes later, he's back with a tray of food for them to share, along with some chocolate pudding.

[dharmalady]

She sits with him at the small kitchen table, eating quietly. She doesn't have much to say, but she's content at least. Alcohol definitely loosens her tongue, but for the most part, she's not very talkative. Doesn't know if she ever has been, but she likes this. Likes that he doesn't try to get her to talk, and when they do have a conversation, it always feels as though it means something. As if every word he says, even if it's just 'pudding,' matters.

When she dives into the pudding, she takes a bite and hums, turning the spoon over in her mouth.

"Say what you want about DHARMA. They make a mean chocolate pudding."

[complexguy]

"Makes all the time travel worth it, don't it?" He smirks with amusement at her. But, he obviously agrees, given the way he's tearing through his bowl of pudding like a man possessed.

James doesn't even take notice much of how much she talks. She talks when she's comfortable, when she has something to say, and when she doesn't, he finds the silence between them actually comfortable. Peaceful. He never feels like they have to fill the silence.

[dharmalady]

Somehow, even with four people under the same roof, she and James manage to get into an easy rhythm of going out together, looking for someone, for anything, and then heading back. Jin and Miles search in a different direction, but every day is the same.

They've made themselves useful as well, in other ways. After talking with Richard, Juliet knows Hoarace regards James with a little more respect, and at the end of two weeks when the sub returns, its with about fifteen new recruits. And because they've been useful, the invitation is extended to James, Juliet, Jin, and Miles to stay.

With nowhere else to go, it's a pretty easy decision.

Once it's decided, they all separate for their job assignments and new housing; James and Juliet in one house, Miles and Jin in the other. They reunite at the new recruit party, though until she sees James, Juliet keeps to herself in a corner, just watching. There's a pink lei around her neck and one of the perkier women had put a matching pink flower right behind her ear.

She feels ridiculous, but she doesn't remove it.

[complexguy]

James doesn't feel much better about what he's wearing right now, but at least it's a nice clean shirt, with a comfortable pair of jeans. He'd tried to insist Juliet share a place with Jin or Miles, figuring she'd be more comfortable with one of them, but Miles kept arguing the "Asians oughta stick together," and there was no turning back from that.

He's grateful to Horace for setting them all up nice here, at least, and as it turns out, they need more people running security around here so it's worked out nicely. At the party, all James really cares about is finding Juliet. The moment he spots her, he feels a pang of something in the pit of his stomach, something more emotional than physical, and something he can't even fully identify. He just knows he wants to be near her.

With a grin, he approaches and tips his head to her.

"Well, how 'bout that? You fit right in here, sweetheart. Turnin' into a hippie on me?"

[dharmalady]

She hears him before she sees him, and she's already smiling by the time she looks up.

"I look like an idiot."

But he looks incredible, and maybe she does a once over on him. It's only fair since he checked her out in the jungle the first time he saw her.

"So, let's hear it. What's the job, LaFleur?"

[complexguy]

"I keep expectin' to hear you sing Kum-bay-a or somethin'," he continues to tease her, but only so she'll keep smiling at him.

"They got me on security detail," he explains. "Ain't half bad. Practically know this island by now. What'd they stick you with?"

[dharmalady]

It fits. As soon as he says he's security, she knows it's right--perfect for him, really. And she does keep smiling; it even grows into a grin when he asks her what she's doing.

"Motorpool."

She's so damn delighted; it's about as far from medicine as she can get, while still fixing things and using her hands.

[complexguy]

"Keep learnin' new things about ya," he grins back at her. "Didn't figure you for a grease monkey." He finds it easy to tease her and he likes it, even more when she teases him back.

[dharmalady]

"My dad taught me," she says with an easy shrug.

She holds out her cup to him. "Punch? It's fruity but the rum is strong," Juliet says with a pleased hum. They've been sharing water bottles in the jungle, no reason not to share this, too.

"Like that I'm living with a cop now. Peace of mind, you know?" Her smile lives in her eyes as she watches him.

[complexguy]

It takes him by complete surprise, the way her smile focuses on him and steals all the air from his lungs at the same time. She has no idea, probably, what she's doing to him. He doesn't even fully understand it himself.

But he can't help smiling back just as much, sipping at the punch when she offers it. "I'll keep ya safe, ma'am," he teases some more, like they're in an old western.

Lost in talking to Juliet, he has no idea that one of the new recruits-a young brunette-is sipping her punch and glancing over at him often, almost like she's trying to work up the nerve to talk to him.

[dharmalady]

Juliet does see it though, and for a second, something white-hot cuts across her stomach but she doesn't want to acknowledge it, doesn't want to admit that it was jealousy because no one here belongs to her anyway.

So, she subtly gestures with her head toward the young woman.

"I think you have a not-so-secret admirer."

[complexguy]

He hasn't been paying attention to anyone or anything except the woman in front of him. So when she says that, he glances over in confusion, quickly glancing back at Juliet.

"Well, I ain't with her." He finishes off the cup of punch, and when a new song starts to play, he steps a little closer, just trying to make it clear he has no interest in anyone else.

[dharmalady]

Juliet goes warm and feels a shiver snake its way down her spine at the same time he steps closer. Ducking her head as she smiles just a little, her eyes dart to the girl and find her pouting as she turns away.

Looking back up at him, she just laughs softly.

"It worked."

He's so close that she can smell his DHARMA aftershave and she clears her throat a little, not moving away. Not moving at all, really.

"Want more punch?"

[complexguy]

"You stay right here, I'll get it," he smiles, purposefully leaning in a little closer as he does. They've already successfully deterred the woman watching him, so there's really no need to keep going, but it doesn't occur to James to suddenly pull away. He finds he likes being close to her, able to see her eyes so vividly.