★ but I'm going to be okay as long as you're beside me along the way

[complexguy]

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[dharmalady]

The first thing she realizes when she wakes up is that she's dying of thirst, and she dresses, finding the food and drinking water first. Then she sees the note and immediately goes to see if Jin and Miles are home. They are.

"You let him go out alone?" she asks in alarm.

"Why? It's not like he can't get through the jungle alone, he's a big boy now," Miles snarks, and it just irritates her, so she walks away and pokes at the burnt food. She does eat it, though. Then she paces. She stands in the window, then winds up on the porch, and there she stays with a book she isn't reading.

A part of her wants to head out into the jungle after him, but she doesn't know which way he went, so she just waits, not even sure why she's so worried.

She just thought they were supposed to be doing it together.

[complexguy]

James gets back a few hours later, rolling up to their little shared house so casually. He smiles at her as he strolls up. "Hey there, Blondie. Feelin' alright today?"

The closer he gets, though, he realizes there's something wrong, and he's not sure what she might say.

[dharmalady]

"Why did you go out alone?" she asks, so relieved to see him that she launches herself up from the steps and has to stop herself from marching right up to him.

"Why didn't you take Miles or Jin with you?"

[complexguy]

"Got up before everyone. Y'all were sleepin' in today and I wanted to get a move on," he explains softly, but he realizes instantly she's not happy with that. He just can't figure out why.

"I do somethin' wrong?"

[dharmalady]

She looks over him, obviously looking for any kind of injury at all.

"I thought I was supposed to have your back out there?"

Juliet just looks at him, unsure why she's so upset, why she's angry. "You know what's out there."

[complexguy]

He wasn't expecting this kind of reaction at all, this level of intensity from her when it comes to his well-being.

"You do got my back," he assures her. "Hell, sweetheart, I thought I was doin' a good thing. You damn near drank that whole bottle of rum last night, didn't figure you'd be awake until late."

[dharmalady]

Juliet just stares at him, that Other mask slipping back into place.

"You don't get to ask me to stay with you and then go running off in the jungle alone like there aren't a hundred things that could--"

She stops, then just turns to go inside.

[complexguy]

"Juliet, come on-" He huffs as he follows her inside quickly. "Don't walk away from me."

He's never been in a place to be demanding a chance at a rational conversation, but he is now. He also doesn't know how to feel about her being worried about him; he's not used to it at all.

"I'm..." What's the right thing to say here? "I'm sorry, alright?"

[dharmalady]

She turns to look at him again.

"Alright."

It isn't rational to be this angry, and she pushes a hand through her hair. "You didn't find anyone?"

In other words, was everything fine?

[complexguy]

"No one."

He's racking his brain trying to figure out how he misstepped here. Mostly he's just worried he's fucked everything up because he's pretty damn good at that, and nothing else really.

He thought, for once, he was doing a good thing by letting her sleep.

"Look, I'm sorry, Juliet," he repeats. "Won't happen again."

[dharmalady]

He was, is the thing; she needed the sleep, she needed the break from the jungle, but for a second, she thought he'd gone, that someone else had left her behind.

"It's okay. I'm...sorry, too, for over-reacting. Thank you. For breakfast, I mean. That was nice." Even if it was burnt.

She knows that was an over-reaction, and she wants things to go back to being easy.

"I'm allowed to worry about one of three people I actually know in this decade."

[complexguy]

He's never been worried about before, it's a new feeling for him. But he knows he would have been worried about her, too.

"We okay?" That's all he needs to know. That's the most important thing.

[dharmalady]

"We're okay," she promises, even managing the barest hint of a smile.

"Are you going back out today?"

[complexguy]

"No. Ain't been sleeping good, think I might close my eyes a minute on the couch," he admits softly.

[dharmalady]

"You should sleep in the bed, James. At least while I'm not using it."

She knows he won't toss her out there at night, but maybe when it's just a nap.

[complexguy]

He debates protesting for a minute, but decides not to. It's the middle of the day, there's no harm in it, and his back is killing him. "I'll take ya up on it, then," he gives her a soft smile. "Can you get me in a little while? Don't wanna sleep more than half an hour."

[dharmalady]

"Why?" she asks automatically in confusion, unsure why she shouldn't let him sleep a little longer than that. Especially if he needs it.

"None of us are exactly juggling social calendars right now."

[complexguy]

He shrugs a little. "In case y'all need me." The problem is that he just can't seem to really let himself relax; he feels responsible for these people, and especially Juliet. Which is damn stupid, considering she lived here for over three years and he's seen her in action. But he begged her to stay here, and he feels like he can't be completely at ease for long.

"And so I don't screw up any sleep I might get tonight."

[dharmalady]

Juliet steps closer, her voice soft.

"You need real sleep, James. At least sleep a full hour."

She knows what he's trying to do, and it just makes her believe what she thinks about him even more.

[complexguy]

He lets out a breath, eyes locking on to hers for a long while. "Alright. An hour. Then you come and get me."

[dharmalady]

"I promise," she says with a soft smile, then nudges him toward the room.

The sheets are still rumpled, and the pillows are arranged as such that it's clear she was curled around one, holding it against her chest.

While he sleeps, she reads, and as promised, she's knocking softly after an hour.

[complexguy]

He takes note of the pillow, where it looks like she was holding on tightly. She’s just as lonely as he is, and it’s another reminder that they understand each other.

The moment his head hits the pillow, he’s out, laying on his stomach because it helps his back. When she knocks, she’ll find him still sleeping, with one arm around the pillow she’d been holding against her chest.

When he doesn’t respond, she opens the door and peeks her head inside. Smiling, just a little, she goes to sit on the edge of the bed and tentatively reaches out to rest a hand on his shoulder, speaking quietly.

“James, wake up. Been an hour.”

He grunts a little, but starts to shift, eventually rolling on to his back. He didn’t think he’d actually sleep that whole time, but he already feels a little better.

“Guess I needed it,” he smirks a little, sitting up slowly.

“Sometimes I know what I’m talking about,” she says with another small smile. “Two nights in a house and you forget your humble beginnings on a beach camp.”

Juliet smiles again, then stands. “Dinner in the cafeteria if you want in. DHARMA lasagna, sounds terrible but I’m curious.”

He stands up with her, tugging on a clean button-down shirt. “Anything sounds good right about now.”

He’s starving, so he’s just happy to have anything. Heading with her to the mess hall, James takes a seat across from her once they have their trays of food, digging in eagerly. “Better than anything I’ve had in a while.”

She has to admit, it isn’t bad. As she lifts the fork to her lips, nodding in agreement, she pauses, eyes over James’s shoulder and focused on someone else. Young Benjamin Linus, staring right back at her, and Juliet loses whatever appetite she had.

“The hell are you-” But then he stops eating as well, following her gaze before looking back at her. “That Ben?”

Juliet nods, finally looking back at James. “That’s him.” The boy who’ll grow up to trap her here. The room feels too small, and she stands.

“I’m sorry, I need--I’m going back to the house, I’ll see you there.” She knows she must seem all over the damn place to him, but she wasn’t ready for this.

He stands up quickly to follow her, catching up with her and resting a hand lightly at her back as they walk together. Leaning in close to speak to her, he keeps his voice down but has to ask. “You okay?”

No, she isn’t, and she’d rather be drunk again before going into this now. She doesn’t even know how to say it, looking up at him with no mask, no filter. Just sheer desperation and sadness. Something clicks though, and she speaks, though mostly to herself.

“That’s what Harper meant, she said I looked ‘just like her’ and I always thought--”

Sorry, James. Juliet’s having a moment.

“Let’s get inside,” he gently guides her back to their temporary housing for now. Once they’re inside, he sits with her in the bedroom so they’ll have some privacy.

“Slow down a little. There’s things I don’t know. Who the hell’s Harper?”

Juliet takes a deep breath, gripping the edge of the bed from where she’s sitting.

“Goodwin’s wife. She was a therapist. That doesn’t matter, it’s--she told me I looked like someone Ben cared about. I didn’t think twice about it but it was me, James. It’s always been me.” She reminded him of herself, and she realizes there’s one key piece of the story James needs to know.

“Ben wanted me here. He kept me here because he--” Juliet can’t even say it, just looking at him, the words stuck in her throat.

His eyes widen, almost frenzied and anxious as he tries to figure out what to do. He’s up and pacing a little as he thinks.

“Well, what the hell - I gotta keep ya away from him.” He has to protect her, no matter what. Of course, he’s not even thinking about the consequences that could have on the future.

It’s his statement, that he has to keep her away from him that forces Juliet to take a deep breath, to try and stave off whatever this panic attack is.

“James,” she says quietly, closing her eyes for a second and looking up at him. “I’m already here. If anything changed, if we kept Ben from knowing who I was somehow, then I wouldn’t be here now.”

She rubs her forehead. Time travel really is a bitch.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you panic,” she apologizes, taking another deep breath. She’d had a terrified reaction to a ten year old kid. Tells herself she needs to get it together.

"You gotta stop sayin' sorry for things that ain't your fault," he says gently. "He may be a kid, but we know what he grows up to be. What he did to you. Hard not to wanna put miles between you and him."

[dharmalady]

Juliet sighs softly, leaning over and pressing her face against her hands as she tries to just breathe.

"Well," she finally begins. "I do think this means one thing is true." She looks at him, studying his face.

"I think this means we're here longer than two weeks."

How long does it take for a boy to become obsessed with someone?

[complexguy]

"That what you really want, Juliet?" He gets it, there's the time travel shit to think about, but he's more concerned with her right now than anything else.

Standing up, James shuts the bedroom door, just making absolutely sure Miles or Jin won't pass by and listen in. Then he stands in front of her, speaking softly. He'd thought about this last night, but it didn't seem the right time to say it, so.

"Listen. I'm the one who made you stay. You been pushed around your whole damn life, Juliet. Ain't been able to make one decision for your own self. Ain't been free," he breathes out with a soft sigh. "If you're gonna be here, it's gotta be your choice. Not mine."

[dharmalady]

Juliet looks at him, stunned, suprised by him for a second (or third?) time. She doesn't even know what to say at first, her mouth opening and then closing again. She's looking up at him, he's blurry now, and she looks back down, hair falling in front of her face.

She hasn't had a choice in years, and now, here it is, from someone she's sure used to hate her, and now doesn't want to be on the island without her. It's a hell of a thing. He has no idea what his offer has done to her, and she bites on the inside of her cheek before finally speaking again.

"What am I gonna do in 1974 with no identity?" Juliet tentatively reaches out, her fingers resting against his wrist.

"You were right. On the dock. You were right, and I could leave, but there's nothing to go to."