★ but I'm going to be okay as long as you're beside me along the way

[complexguy]

Comments

[complexguy]

He turns his head sharply to look at her, eyes narrowing a little as he studies her face.

"I think... think as long as there's someone to miss ya, they never give up." He doesn't know what that could even feel like, to be missed by anyone. "If your sister's still out there, she ain't gonna stop. I know it's all so damn complicated now, bein' back in time, but she's never gonna let you go."

[dharmalady]

She's so good at wearing a mask, at keeping her emotions carefully in check. But she has tells; the right corner of her lip twitches upward and she looks down, wrapping her arms around herself.

"Ben told me if I stayed with him here, he'd cure her cancer. He'd make sure she never got sick again."

So. She'd stayed.

[complexguy]

"You stuck around here to make sure she got better?" He's not shocked by that, because he knows her pretty well by now. She helps people, it's just her instinct. She gave up everything, she gave up the chance for freedom, just to make sure her sister was okay. Truth be told, he's never known anyone with a heart so good as hers.

[dharmalady]

"She was pregnant when I left," Juliet supplies, so it wasn't a difficult choice, not for her.

Taking a deep breath, Juliet lets it out slowly. "We should head back, I think. Back to the Jeep."

Juliet doesn't want to talk about Rachel anymore; it's all moot anyway because Juliet's in a completely different decade.

[complexguy]

It's a good thing to be aware of: talking about her sister ain't a good thing. It just seems to upset her, and he gets it. He also feels guilty in some way for making her stay here. If she left the island now, she couldn't be with her sister anyway, but at least she'd finally be free. So he knows what he needs to do. When two weeks rolls around, whatever it takes, he needs to make sure Juliet's on that sub.

"You're right. Don't wanna miss taco night," he teases lightly, though he's sure it falls flat.

Once they're in the jeep and driving back, he decides to share something a little more honest. "You asked me why I got on that chopper. Why I really did - I wanted to try and fix some of the mess I left behind. Make things better, for my daughter."

[dharmalady]

She's touched that he would tell her that, and she looks over at him, studying his face. With no idea how he'll react to it, she speaks quietly.

"I know what you did for her from prison."

She knows it was a con, but he still did it for his daughter and she can't find a reason to fault him for it.

[complexguy]

He glances over at her briefly before focusing on the path ahead, getting their jeep through the jungle safely.

"You know damn near everything about me, don't ya," he muses softly, not sure how he feels about it all.

[dharmalady]

"I'm sorry that I do. It wasn't my choice, James."

She has no idea if she's earned his trust yet--she must have, on some level--but maybe this just brings it all back up. She was an Other, she helped keep him locked up. She tased him, for Christ's sake.

"But I do know why you were in Australia."

There. That's a cat out of the bag.

[complexguy]

It would be easy for her to assume, more than likely, that he didn't even hear her; a prolonged silence drags out between them, with the only sound being the rattle of the jeep against the rugged jungle floor. He doesn't look at her, doesn't say anything, just clenches his jaw tightly now and again.

"How 'bout this; why don't you tell me what you don't know about me."

He can't bring himself to directly talk about that time right now, but at least he's still willing to talk.

[dharmalady]

Juliet looks away from him, out at the passing jungle around them. It's different, being in a vehicle after so long, and she's quiet as long as he was. She doesn't know why he wanted her to stay. She doesn't know what makes her the one between Miles and Jin that he doesn't want to lose.

Those things stay tucked away, and finally, she takes a breath and looks over at him again.

"I don't know what makes you happy. Really happy, I mean."

She knows all of the things that have kept him angry, calloused, and sad, but she doesn't know yet what happiness looks like on him.

[complexguy]

Immediately, he has a few sharp-tongued responses to that, filled with snark. But he glances briefly over at her face, and the look in her eyes softens him, as seems to be happening so much more often when he's with her. He can't come back sounding like a jackass when she asks such a genuinely thoughtful question. He never would have cared so much before, and he's not even sure why he does now, except that Juliet's just so damn good, she deserves better than any of the shit he's ever pulled. She deserves his honesty, at the very least.

But it's gonna take him a minute to get there.

"Why do you wanna know that?"

What he's asking without asking is, Why do you care?

[dharmalady]

"Why did you want me to stay?"

A question for a question. And they both mean the same thing. Her face is blank, purposefully unreadable because she doesn't know yet what to expect from him.

[complexguy]

She's got him there. He doesn't know what to make of her sometimes; he knows he lets his own emotions play out on his face easily, especially when he's upset, but she doesn't. Not easily, anyway. She's a mystery on an island that's already damn mysterious on its own.

The truth is that he didn't want to be alone, he couldn't be, and despite everything, he enjoys being around her more than anyone else. He asked her to stay, so he owes her a genuine answer.

Going quiet again for a long stretch, he swings back around to the other question first.

"Tell ya the truth, Blondie, I don't remember the last time I was real damn happy. Can't even figure out what would get me there."

[dharmalady]

"Guess we have something in common."

She turns her head to look at him, a barely-there smile touching her lips. Maybe he asked her to stay because for a moment, at some point, she made him happy. As the pylons come into view and they have to wait for a DHARMA security member to turn it off, she shifts to look at James fully.

"You came back for me on the beach. You saved my life that night." The night of the flaming arrows and her desperate attempt to put people out. "I didn't even know you trusted me enough to care."

[complexguy]

"Did you think I'd leave ya behind? Hell, I'm a lotta things, Juliet, but I got a heart." He pauses for a moment. "Somewhere in here. I think." He smirks a little, just for a moment. "We're all we've got now, so. No, you ain't gettin' left behind."

[dharmalady]

"After what I did to you and your friends, I wouldn't have blamed you."

It's no secret they didn't start off well. And she doesn't think she'll ever forget the way he looked at her when she walked into the beach camp for the first time.

What the hell is she doing here?

She didn't--and doesn't--blame him for it. When she looks at him again as they're given the all-clear to drive through, she hesitates, then speaks.

"I'm sorry for the things that happened to you and Kate."

[complexguy]

James drives through, again giving her words time to really sink in, and not responding right away. When he finally does, he drives a little slower as they get close to the barracks.

"Why are you sorry? What happened between us, wasn't nothin' to do with you, Juliet." When he finally stops and parks, he breathes out, "Her and I, we were never gonna belong together."

[dharmalady]

"For what it's worth, neither were Jack and I."

For a beat, Juliet looks at James, some kind of sadness in her eyes, buried by a mask. Then, she breaks eye contact and climbs out of the jeep, handing over her rifle as soon as it's asked for.

They go eat, spend the rest of the day hanging around, and that night, Juliet sits with a bottle of DHARMA rum on the steps of their porch. It's late, sometime around midnight, and she's already halfway into the bottle when she hears the door open behind her. It doesn't matter who it is, she just puts the bottle out beside her on the step in invitation.

[complexguy]

James had fallen asleep on the couch about an hour ago, but he doesn't sleep long. Noticing the porch light on, he gets up, rubbing a hand over his face as he steps outside and silently takes the bottle from her. Wearing just his boxers and a green undershirt-not really caring how he's dressed at this time of night-he settles beside Juliet and takes a long pull from the bottle.

"Just figured it out. You and me, we're the rejects, Blondie. The leftovers."

[dharmalady]

She's a little drunk, and when she looks at him, it's with half-lidded eyes.

"What? The leftover what?" Juliet shifts so that her back is against the post and reaches for the bottle again greedily.

[complexguy]

"Forget I said it," he says quietly, trying to dismiss it. Maybe she's just drunk enough not to try and push. But the thing is, Juliet pushes him just enough (gently) that he wants to talk.

He does pass the bottle back to her, though, after one more sip.

[dharmalady]

"I wanna know," she says after taking another sip. "Tell me. I stayed on this island just so you and I could get shit faced and philosophical, so. Out with it."

The bottle rests between them again, and she watches him in the yellow light of the porch.

[complexguy]

That earns a soft chuckle as he shakes his head a little.

"You had Jack for a while, I had Kate. Neither one of us was who they really wanted. We were just the scraps, the leftovers. You get me?" He says darkly, letting out a breath as he stares out into the night sky.

He doesn't know why it's so damn easy to talk to her, even about shit he never thought he'd say to anyone. Maybe it's because she listens so good and she doesn't make him feel tense about every damn thing. Maybe it's because when she looks at him, he feels known and seen and understood.

[dharmalady]

"Oh," she says somewhat dumbly, before adding:

"That's what I've always been." She understands the feeling and because she's a little drunk, her thoughts are unguarded.

"I was having an affair with--" Juliet pauses.

"Ever meet Goodwin?"

[complexguy]

"Never had the pleasure." He draws his knees up a bit, resting his arms across them. The fact that she had an affair is certainly something he won't judge her on.