complexguy | ★ but I'm going to be okay as long as you're beside me along the way

"Where were you gonna go?" Maybe he's asking too many questions, maybe he should stop, but she's still such a mystery to him. He feels like he knows her a hell of a lot better now, he knows what she's capable of, what she'll do for others, and for him, but he doesn't know a whole lot about her just yet. "Before you got in to Miami."

The truth is, she hasn't anyone to talk to like this. When Ben talked to her it felt smarmy, like a violation of her space and time. But James is curious, he remembers things about her because they come up again in conversation, and for the first time in a long, long time, she feels safe giving parts of herself away.

"University of Michigan." But she didn't go and so, she looks up at him as they walk.

"My mom got sick my that summer, and it was...fast. So I stayed," she explains succinctly.

It's a strange feeling in some ways, just knowing this woman knows so damn much about him, about his past. It feels like there's nothing left to say, in some ways; that he doesn't need to tell her anything else about himself because she already knows. The past isn't the most pleasant thing to talk about either, for reasons she also knows.

"You really wanted to check out that snow, huh?" He questions softly, then softens even more at the mention of her mother. "I'm sure your ma was real glad. To have you. I mean, not that it was - hell. You get me, right?"

He's fumbling, trying to express his condolences in a way that isn't just a cliche in some way.

"I get you," she assures him, a small smile touching her lips. She knows so much about him and she realizes he knows it, so she doesn't want to offend him by pretending. But she wants to know him. It's just a matter of not hurting him in the process.

They walk in silence for a while before she speaks.

"I'm sorry. About your future not going the way you thought it would." With Kate, she means.

Taking a long pull of some water, James waits to respond. He knows what she's referring to, the name unspoken but understood. He had no real idea of how life would play out for him and Kate, he just hoped they might be able to figure something out. It was never gonna be normal, but the both of them would at least have each other. He doesn't know, though, what kind of life he really thinks they could have had. On the run all the time, never settling down. Would she have been happy with him, stayed with him? Or would Jack have always been on her mind?

Would he have just been second best?

"Worked out the way it was s'posed to, didn't it?" He muses quietly.

"Did it?"

Juliet stops walking, taking a water break as well.

"'Whatever happened, happened' that's what Daniel said. So by that logic, you and I aren't meant to leave this island." Is that the way it's supposed to work out for her? That she never gets to go?

"Locke would have loved this conversation."

He scoffs under his breath, kneeling down for a moment. Idly, he scoops some sand up into his palm, letting it fall between his fingers.

"Hell, maybe we aren't." He's not being entirely serious, but with everything that's happened, it's hard to believe otherwise, too. "I don't know. There's not much I'm sure of these days, Blondie."

She watches him, then looks out at the ocean.

"How long do you think it takes? To be declared legally dead? How long do you think someone looks for a missing person?"

Juliet's wondered these questions over and over again over the last three years, but she's never voiced them aloud. She isn't even sure if she meant to now, but it's out there, and she steps closer to the water so that her back is to him.

He turns his head sharply to look at her, eyes narrowing a little as he studies her face.

"I think... think as long as there's someone to miss ya, they never give up." He doesn't know what that could even feel like, to be missed by anyone. "If your sister's still out there, she ain't gonna stop. I know it's all so damn complicated now, bein' back in time, but she's never gonna let you go."

She's so good at wearing a mask, at keeping her emotions carefully in check. But she has tells; the right corner of her lip twitches upward and she looks down, wrapping her arms around herself.

"Ben told me if I stayed with him here, he'd cure her cancer. He'd make sure she never got sick again."

So. She'd stayed.

"You stuck around here to make sure she got better?" He's not shocked by that, because he knows her pretty well by now. She helps people, it's just her instinct. She gave up everything, she gave up the chance for freedom, just to make sure her sister was okay. Truth be told, he's never known anyone with a heart so good as hers.

"She was pregnant when I left," Juliet supplies, so it wasn't a difficult choice, not for her.

Taking a deep breath, Juliet lets it out slowly. "We should head back, I think. Back to the Jeep."

Juliet doesn't want to talk about Rachel anymore; it's all moot anyway because Juliet's in a completely different decade.

It's a good thing to be aware of: talking about her sister ain't a good thing. It just seems to upset her, and he gets it. He also feels guilty in some way for making her stay here. If she left the island now, she couldn't be with her sister anyway, but at least she'd finally be free. So he knows what he needs to do. When two weeks rolls around, whatever it takes, he needs to make sure Juliet's on that sub.

"You're right. Don't wanna miss taco night," he teases lightly, though he's sure it falls flat.

Once they're in the jeep and driving back, he decides to share something a little more honest. "You asked me why I got on that chopper. Why I really did - I wanted to try and fix some of the mess I left behind. Make things better, for my daughter."

She's touched that he would tell her that, and she looks over at him, studying his face. With no idea how he'll react to it, she speaks quietly.

"I know what you did for her from prison."

She knows it was a con, but he still did it for his daughter and she can't find a reason to fault him for it.

He glances over at her briefly before focusing on the path ahead, getting their jeep through the jungle safely.

"You know damn near everything about me, don't ya," he muses softly, not sure how he feels about it all.

"I'm sorry that I do. It wasn't my choice, James."

She has no idea if she's earned his trust yet--she must have, on some level--but maybe this just brings it all back up. She was an Other, she helped keep him locked up. She tased him, for Christ's sake.

"But I do know why you were in Australia."

There. That's a cat out of the bag.

It would be easy for her to assume, more than likely, that he didn't even hear her; a prolonged silence drags out between them, with the only sound being the rattle of the jeep against the rugged jungle floor. He doesn't look at her, doesn't say anything, just clenches his jaw tightly now and again.

"How 'bout this; why don't you tell me what you don't know about me."

He can't bring himself to directly talk about that time right now, but at least he's still willing to talk.

Juliet looks away from him, out at the passing jungle around them. It's different, being in a vehicle after so long, and she's quiet as long as he was. She doesn't know why he wanted her to stay. She doesn't know what makes her the one between Miles and Jin that he doesn't want to lose.

Those things stay tucked away, and finally, she takes a breath and looks over at him again.

"I don't know what makes you happy. Really happy, I mean."

She knows all of the things that have kept him angry, calloused, and sad, but she doesn't know yet what happiness looks like on him.

Immediately, he has a few sharp-tongued responses to that, filled with snark. But he glances briefly over at her face, and the look in her eyes softens him, as seems to be happening so much more often when he's with her. He can't come back sounding like a jackass when she asks such a genuinely thoughtful question. He never would have cared so much before, and he's not even sure why he does now, except that Juliet's just so damn good, she deserves better than any of the shit he's ever pulled. She deserves his honesty, at the very least.

But it's gonna take him a minute to get there.

"Why do you wanna know that?"

What he's asking without asking is, Why do you care?

"Why did you want me to stay?"

A question for a question. And they both mean the same thing. Her face is blank, purposefully unreadable because she doesn't know yet what to expect from him.

She's got him there. He doesn't know what to make of her sometimes; he knows he lets his own emotions play out on his face easily, especially when he's upset, but she doesn't. Not easily, anyway. She's a mystery on an island that's already damn mysterious on its own.

The truth is that he didn't want to be alone, he couldn't be, and despite everything, he enjoys being around her more than anyone else. He asked her to stay, so he owes her a genuine answer.

Going quiet again for a long stretch, he swings back around to the other question first.

"Tell ya the truth, Blondie, I don't remember the last time I was real damn happy. Can't even figure out what would get me there."

"Guess we have something in common."

She turns her head to look at him, a barely-there smile touching her lips. Maybe he asked her to stay because for a moment, at some point, she made him happy. As the pylons come into view and they have to wait for a DHARMA security member to turn it off, she shifts to look at James fully.

"You came back for me on the beach. You saved my life that night." The night of the flaming arrows and her desperate attempt to put people out. "I didn't even know you trusted me enough to care."

"Did you think I'd leave ya behind? Hell, I'm a lotta things, Juliet, but I got a heart." He pauses for a moment. "Somewhere in here. I think." He smirks a little, just for a moment. "We're all we've got now, so. No, you ain't gettin' left behind."

"After what I did to you and your friends, I wouldn't have blamed you."

It's no secret they didn't start off well. And she doesn't think she'll ever forget the way he looked at her when she walked into the beach camp for the first time.

What the hell is she doing here?

She didn't--and doesn't--blame him for it. When she looks at him again as they're given the all-clear to drive through, she hesitates, then speaks.

"I'm sorry for the things that happened to you and Kate."

James drives through, again giving her words time to really sink in, and not responding right away. When he finally does, he drives a little slower as they get close to the barracks.

"Why are you sorry? What happened between us, wasn't nothin' to do with you, Juliet." When he finally stops and parks, he breathes out, "Her and I, we were never gonna belong together."

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